Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
