Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I AM VODKA MAN
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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