respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
