I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
