One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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