Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
