weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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