The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
