I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
