You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
