Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
