This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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