So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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