youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
