The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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