Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
