You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
