What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
