he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
