we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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