did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
