they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
