So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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