allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
