Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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