I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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