so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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