So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
