If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
