the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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