they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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