please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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