The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's rum buckets o'clock
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
