just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
