Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
