does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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