'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
