Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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