i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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