forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
