My room smells like vodka and shame
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
