also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize