did you get engaged???
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
