she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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