Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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