While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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