Can i not drive my cunt home
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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