if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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