Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize