I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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