"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
