Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
