Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I CAN MOONWALK!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
