i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
