you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the day after is always just damage control
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
