is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
