Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
