I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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