Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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