Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
