remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize