I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
