I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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