eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
