Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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