A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
