I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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