as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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