The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
