PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
