I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just sent this text using only my big toe
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
