we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
