3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
