I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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